Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
