I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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