I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
