I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
