are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
