kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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