one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
