I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
