I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hippo gnu deer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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