i think my tv is drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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