Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
