He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
