Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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