no, he came in my armpit
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
