My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
