You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
