I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
