I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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