Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize