I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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