I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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