I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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