I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
