I wannas sexs uuuuu
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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