Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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