Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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