are you still at the devil's house?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
