I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
