I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
