On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize