Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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