I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
