i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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