apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
