Yo dont text me then not text me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There are leaves in my underwear?
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