A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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