We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
