the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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