Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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