im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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