why didn't you poke me back
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
