I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we're so committed to being not committed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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