those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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