I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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