Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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