I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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