There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
