It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
