I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
