you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?