just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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