My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Alive.
So much puke
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
