Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
