there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?