google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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