I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
