Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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