ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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