Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
