I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
