smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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