I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
