Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
