Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
