i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
