alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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