does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
