When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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