waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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