Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
