My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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