You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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