you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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